


Open Sky

by hyperbolicfae



Series: Here be Monsters [2]
Category: His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman, Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Bad Parent John Winchester, Gen, Growing Up, John Winchester’s A+ parenting, Pre-Stanford Era (Supernatural)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-11
Updated: 2019-10-11
Packaged: 2020-12-09 00:57:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20986172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyperbolicfae/pseuds/hyperbolicfae
Summary: Sam has his letter and a way out. Now he has to decide if he wants to go.





	Open Sky

Aquila’s been spending more and more time as a bird — not settled, not yet, but Sam feels how much she loves flying and the shape of her wings. Sam likes to watch her soaring through the sky, weaving and dipping like nothing could ever catch her.

He knows it’s weird that she hasn’t chosen a form yet, they’re more than old enough, but he doesn’t feel resentful. He feels adrift himself, caught between two possible futures.

Yarrow had settled into a proper dog after her and Dean tracked them down in Flagstaff. Dean had been fourteen and was given a beer to celebrate. Dad had never let Sam forget that he had abandoned his family.

Aquila’s only a dog when dad’s around - she doesn’t hate it exactly, but it’s uncomfortable. She likes that she can run after Yarrow, wrestle and play fight, but it chafes. When he and dad get really angry, when they fight, she likes to turn into a snake. Likes to coil around Sam’s neck and stare sanguinely at John, eyes never blinking. It incenses dad, and Sam feels nothing but cold satisfaction at the taunt; thinks that Aquila should be a snake forever. Caught in the high of winning, she thinks so too.

They only feel guilty after, when Dean tries to mediate. His brother tries so hard to keep the semblance of their fucked up family. It never quite meshes back and Sam only feels more distant from his dad, and more frustrated with his brother. 

Sam doesn’t get it, but something in John hates that Aquila’s not a dog, that she hasn’t settled yet. That they aren’t normal. He chalks it up to dad’s paranoid drunken delusions, rationalizes that their family isn’t exactly _Leave it to Beaver material_ in the first place, but it still makes something in him wanna break. Like there’s something wrong with him.

Yes, Sam knows that most hunters have dog or wolf daemons. Most, not all. Pastor Jim doesn’t, Fred Jones doesn’t. And Aquila doesn’t want to be a cliche. It doesn’t mean something is wrong with them.

Dean and Yarrow are the favourites for a reason. Sam’s never minded this, not really, as long as he stayed Dean’s favourite. Still, they keep the peace as much as they can and Aquila only goes snake when John starts yelling.

Sam doesn’t want to be a hunter. He’s okay that Aquila won’t be a dog, that he’s different. He has a choice now.

Every time he thinks of the letter Sam smiles. It’s secretive, only for him and Aquila. He hides it in his bag under his clothes. He’s folded and read it so many times that the paper is soft and worn; he can trace the crest in the air with his fingers, and sees the words when he closes his eyes. 

_Dear Samuel, _

_Congratulations! It is with great pleasure ..._

They did it. Years of study and AP classes between hunts, Dean’s good natured eye rolls, and dad’s drunken fits. Flash cards and mathletes and Latin club, and hours and hours of SAT and scholarship prep. It paid off.

__

They can get out. 

__

Sam knows that Dean needs him. Knows that leaving means choosing between his family and future. He doesn’t give a damn about dad, but can picture Dean’s face and Yarrow’s sad eyes. He’s being selfish, but..

__

He doesn’t want to live on the road, going from town to town scraping a living on hustling and credit card schemes. He wants to be normal, live in a house. Meet somebody. He blushes. Fall in love.

__

Not die young and bloody, killed by some monster.

__

He doesn’t want it for Dean, either, but his brother already made his choice. Dean will never leave dad, and Sam wants out so badly he chokes with the weight of it. Aquila wants wings and Dean just doesn’t get it.

__

Sam loves Dean, and when he was younger he thought his brother was all he needed. All he would ever need. It’s still true, he just wants more. He wants to ask Dean to come with him, to start over, but already knows the answer.

__

Sam’s eighteen, not ten. He knows he needs to eat more than pizza, and drink more than off brand pop. He doesn’t need his brother to look after him. Aquila and him will be fine. He got an acceptance letter and a scholarship letter from his first choice. He’s earned this. 

__

Sam has never kept quiet about how much he hates moving around, about how much more important school is to him than hunting. It shouldn’t be a surprise. They shouldn’t be surprised.

__

He also knows that in a normal family he wouldn’t have to worry about being kicked out for getting accepted into one of the best schools in the country. Wouldn’t be made to feel guilty for leaving - like he’s giving up on something more than just an early grave.

__

There’s a reason he gave Stanford the return address for his last school.

__

Sam looks behind him at the house they’re currently squatting in. It’s free, but has no electricity or hot water. The roof is sinking in, and the boards dad pried off the door that first night are thrown in a pile on the wooden porch, vicious looking rusted nails turning a deep red in the sun.

__

He can see Dean through the shattered window, cleaning his gun while dad sits beside him.

__

He knows it’s petty, but he’s tired of reading by flashlight. Misses eating more than MREs and canned soup. He wants a home, a life. Wants to read about more than demon lore and exorcisms. He knows Dean’ll hurt, but he can’t help it. He’s not wrong to want normal things.

__

Sam takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. When he opens them, all he can see is blue sky.

__

Above him, Aquila’s brown and red wings shine bright in the desert sun. They’re going. He will tell his family tonight.

__

It’s the first real decision he’s made about his life.

__

Sam feels something in him crystallize.

__


End file.
